The Skill Set Of Getting Dates With Women
It’s no surprise that they guys that get the women are also the guys that intimidate other men.
Having the skill set of introducing yourself to women you don’t know, with confidence, is something that is learned by men, individually, over time. And it’s also the main ingredient of success with women.
The recipe of success with women
You can divide the success with women recipe, so to speak, as a list of individual ingredients that are skills that guys need to learn to use effectively:
Introduction (opening) techniques
Conversational techniques
Information trade (getting email addresses, phone numbers)
Follow-up (closing) skills
The simple steps of any guy’s interaction with women are:
Introduction (opening) techniques – the ability to walk up to any woman, anywhere and introduce yourself in such a way that “get lost!” is not in the woman’s vocabulary.
Conversational (framing) techniques – the ability to start small talk and interest in the woman you want to talk with. Being able to start any conversation (the talk after the introduction) that the woman will not only understand but will appreciate being involved in. Also involves reading her basic body language to see if she’s tensing up (rejecting) or starting to accept (relax and submit) to your advance.
Information trade (getting email addresses, phone numbers) – the ability to move from the conversation to getting her email address and/or phone number so you can contact her later. You want to make a woman you just met comfortable enough, and attracted enough, to give you her personal information without hesitation.
Follow-up (closing) skills – the ability to know when to end the conversation, in effect walk away from her in such a way that she will be waiting in anticipation for your email or your phone to her call the next day.
In essence when can you confidently walk up to an attractive woman and say “Hi, I saw you looking my way and guessed that if I didn’t tell you to stop soon I’d have to call a cop and report you for stalking” you’ve got what it takes to make interest and attraction happen.
Can you move from that initial cocky opening line (or some other opening line) to being able to continue the conversation in such a way that the woman is neither offended or creeped out? You can as long as you can read her reactions to know if your next step is to say “Hey, you’re not her, my stalker has brown (a different color) hair” or just turning tail and walking away.
Of course, the real answer is any next sentence that you say to her that allows you to move past your introduction to having her answer you in a positive way. The next couple of words out of your mouth need to be framed in such a way that she relaxes in body language movements allowing you to continue. Relaxing body language movements include her straightening her blouse sleeves or pants/skirt, adjusting or primping her hair around her face, a slight touch to your sleeve or hand as well as sitting up straight and pulling her shoulders back and chest forward.
After continuing the conversation for a few minutes (don’t overstay your introduction and framing conversation) you need to move to the information trade and get her phone number. A simple “It’s nice to meet you, I have to get back to my friends/table/get my drink/meal (whatever), can I have your phone number and we can continue this conversation again?” will allow you to complete your frame and include your close to getting her number. Keep in mind, you’re after dates here, not a score. Getting women’s email address and phone numbers, and sparking their initial interest in you, is your goal.
So-called ‘alpha males’, the leaders of the pack, usually have an innate ability to use these ingredients to their advantage without any extra learning materials being needed. Then there is the rest of us.
I’ve found very helpful online resources for the guys like us, so be sure to visit them. You may not become the “leader of the pack” but your success in being able to approach women, to be able to start conversations, get phone numbers and close the conversation with her having a high interest level in you will skyrocket. They are all available in one place: www.aLoveLinksPlus.com.
The Easiest Way To Attract Women
Guest article by Michael W. Author of the ebook “Get A Great Girl”
How would you like to learn to attract a quality woman using LESS energy, LESS effort, and less headaches?
Get ready to hear how a man has applied the Get A Great Girl materials and trainings!, lowering the energy level is doing wonders.
And you know what? It feels a hell of a lot more natural to be that way – I think I was just used to getting results with high energy, but like you very correctly said it feels more real to the girls when I am with ‘minimum energy’.
More importantly it feels better for me too.
Also this way, I notice that this way, I tend to make them giggle and laugh lightly throughout the conversation instead of making them go super intense laughter all out at the beginning, and this definitely sends out a stronger signal of my personality – especially when I do it with ‘minimal effort’.
It is definitely also good to know that I can always tap into the high energy part should I need it.
That said I have a lot to improve on. Especially making the process more efficient and truly finding out more about the girls’ personalities.
I will let you know of my progress and stories later on ( I’ve had 4 genuine interactions with girls who are very attractive over the past 24 hours – not all of them matched what I was looking for in a woman- but two of them I’d
definitely like to get to know more).
Thanks again Michael. It was an excellent bootcamp experience and it was great to spend time with someone who has similar perspectives to what I have about life in general. I will get back to you with any questions that may crop up later on.
In the mean time should you want a full detailed review, just let me know. I’d be more than happy to send a genuine and sincere review. Let me know. Feel free to use any excerpts from my this email should you find it to be useful. Hope all is well!
Sincerely,
Charles K.
Los Angeles, California
>>>MY REPLY<<<
Thank you first of all for the warm message.
Isn’t it AWESOME how actually LOWERING the energy is, in your own words, doing WONDERS?
High energy brings a lot of short term reactions, that often fizzle out by the time you ask for the number or by the time you call her.
But don’t all the “experts” tell us to be “he arrogant, cocky, hilarious guy”?
When a guy learns a tactic that gets a woman doing anything too MAJOR or too strong too fast, even something like laughing REALLY HARD right at the outset, it’s usually NOT a good thing.
The reason for this is because even though the woman might be laughing really hard at first, or feeling really mesmerized, she will then quickly feel that something is not CONGRUENT.
By the word “congruent” I mean “consistent”. Something is not matching up, something is not “right” about the situation.
And a woman would be right to be feeling this, since after all, it was NOT a natural interaction, the guy WAS trying too hard to get a reaction, the guy WAS using a “line”, the guy was NOT being himself.
And there’s no way out of the dangers of using the pick up artist and wannabe dating guru tactics. A woman has learned to be cautious, for good reason. The more serious she is about looking for a real man to be her lover, her boyfriend, for something long term and meaningful, the MORE alert she will be to any signs of something being shady or sketchy.
The key is to always use the MINIMUM ENERGY you need in an interaction in order to make sufficient impact to keep the conversation going.
You applied this extremely well, including that time you ended up having a twenty minute conversation with that girl in the bookstore during bootcamp! You were doing so well with her, even after getting her number she still wanted to keep on chatting with you!
For the guys reading this, I should explain that Charles was having a one-to-one conversation with a very pretty creature, and it was NOT “over the top”, he was NOT acting like a clown, he was NOT getting her laughing like crazy, he was NOT doing anything weird, he had truly ADVANCED “game” that is NOT a game- in fact, within a few minutes of his interaction, it looked as if he and this girl had known each other intimately for YEARS.
The smile on her face, the relaxed look she had in her body language toward him, leaning into him.
So what did Charles do to get all this happening?
Well for one thing, he had practiced learning how to tap into his natural sense of calm and his positive nature. He learned to avoid the dangers of “black and white” thinking- black and white thinking is what creates massive pressure on us when we try to approach a woman, and we think that success equals paradise and failure equals disaster or the destruction of our identity.
He learned exactly HOW to embrace his worst fears over and over again till he got desensitized to them and built up a resistance to this kind of pressure.
He didn’t try to get into “the zone” and instead he removed all emotional labels from things, realizing that things are simply what they are, which allows you to take away the negative power of just about any situation that can arise in interacting with a woman.
This way, you are on a level plane that is the real you, no need for you to have to get all pumped and get into some “zone” that really would exhaust you very quickly if that was the only way you used to get into state to attract a woman.
He didn’t try to be mr.pick up artist, rather the woman could tell that he was relaxed and upbeat and not trying to prove ANYTHING to her, all from the way he used his VOICE as I train men to do.
And this training is partially about learning but also partially about UNLEARNING all the things that hold you BACK from using your voice to reflect all these cool emotions inside you.
And he also had CONVICTION in the things he was saying, he was revealing himself so he was not acting and this belief and total conviction came across as very masculine, confident, and even calming.
I hate to quote the “dog whisperer” in how dogs can sense your energy and if you are feeling fear or not, but the truth is that all human beings, and especially women, can detect what emotional frequency you are on, subconsciously this always happens.
And the women could tell that Charles was only saying the things that he truly did believe in, and that he was calm about it in the way of true confidence that could not be broken down even if she did happen to disagree with him on some of his viewpoints.
And another thing, he paid SERIOUS ATTENTION to what the woman was saying. He listened to her responses, which gave him the perfect things to say back- they were all genuine comments based on what SHE had said.
Every single “pick up artist” and dating guru out there tells you “say this and she will say YES” which is a total crock of horsey-poo because there is no such thing as the perfect thing to say—rather you need to LISTEN to what a woman is saying to you, so you can respond WELL.
And you need to REALLY care. If you don’t, it won’t work. She’ll sense that.
Most human beings think they are listening, but the truth is that they are actually NOT listening well at all, in fact most people filter out just about everything they hear if it doesn’t agree with their own perspective, they filter it out so powerfully that they don’t even HEAR the words that don’t agree!
Maybe you’ve heard of the experiment where guys were told to watch a group of guys in black t-shirts passing a ball to each other, and while this happened, a gorrilla was actually walking in the background, but NO ONE noticed this because they were too busy watching the ball being passed.
Not only do we not see what we don’t expect to see, we also create “blind spots” in our LISTENING skills as well- we don’t HEAR what we don’t agree with and we don’t hear what we don’t recognize– so imagine how easy it is to not truly hear a woman’s words to you when those words are coming from a female perspective that is different!
Now, imagine how terrible the communication probably is between a man and a woman who don’t know each other at all and are meeting for the FIRST TIME!!!! And the guy is under stress too, from trying to be cool!!!
And then on top of that, the guy is being told by supposed “EXPERTS” not to listen to a woman but to be all “alpha” and not listen to her and be the boss and to instead just uselessly try to make some cheesy pick up lines work!!!!! All this instead of learning the skills of TRULY LISTENENING, and this is a skill, it is something that requires learning, it’s NOT as simple as people think at all.
And we are told by these “experts” that listening is for “WUSSES”!!!!
The truth is, it takes a REAL MAN to be secure enough to be able to TRULY give another person a chance at being heard, to truly let another person’s perspective to have a chance at being respected and honored before jumping to the conclusion that if it disagrees with our own, it must be a crappy perspective.
Is it any wonder that things are so tough for men when it comes to getting a great woman?
A great woman has her internal act together as well, she’s not just attractive on the outside- and I assure you that if she has her act together and her listening skills together, and she is secure enough to listen well to you, she will not stick with a man if he is too weak to listen properly because he is afraid that even HEARING another perspective will somehow threaten him.
I used to be the WORST at this. I HATED the idea of “communication” with women. I believed all the crazy stuff I was told by dating gurus. But the reality is, if we as men follow their “no communication” advice, we WILL STILL be communicating to women, but doing it BADLY- we will be communicating that we are insecure.
This is just the tip of the ICEBERG of the skills that I teach. And of course, this has nothing to do with being a “nice guy”- in fact, it’s IMPORTANT that you DO have conviction in what you say to a woman, and that you don’t just let your opinions get disrespected,but the key to showing this conviction is to state your opinion CALMLY and FOLLOW your convictions calmly, with quiet strength, not by acting all emotional about it.
If we really believe in something, the way to show a woman we are serious is to be CALM and consistent and CLEAR about it.
The more emotional we get, the more we are showing fear, and the truth is, if we REALLY believed something was the right thing and we were so clear on what to do, we WOULD be calm about it and not feel pressured or threatened by anyone else.
When communicating to a woman, you want to be totally under control. It’s not about controlling women, it truly is about controlling the self and learning to improve the self.
And that’s why it’s fantastic to hear you say that this “minimum energy” feels a “hell of a lot more natural to be that way”. It IS.
Once you develop these skills for real, then meeting and attracting the women of your choice feels like there is NO effort.
There is no more need to have to “get into the zone” because you ARE “the zone” always, it IS you. YOU become attractive, on the deepest level of who you ARE.
This way, because the conversation becomes very easy for you and easy to make it flow, you also end up making the women laugh throughout the conversation, since your brain is now freed up from having to spend tons of energy on all kinds of useless things like memorizing pick up lines or trying to be the boss or trying to apply some tactic that feels totally un-natural on every level.
So all that extra brainpower can now be applied to humor- think of it like a computer who has now had its processor freed up to do important work.
Of course, when you also learn the keys behind ALL humor, as I teach you, you are able to find the funny moments in things even easier!
And at the same time, you can be having a serious discussion and then something humorous comes up, and you both laugh naturally at it, breaking the tension in a great way,and also allowing you to now get back with her to building a powerful and serious connection, now that you had a short break from the serious convo so you both have energy to get “serious” again.
And because you are LISTENING and CARING at the highest level, you can contribute effective and meaningful feedback, which makes her interested in the conversation, and interested in YOU.
And the fact you had the guts to do this while every OTHER guy who talks to her uses cheesy tactics based on oversimplification, YOU are the one she wants, you are the guy who feels REAL, while the other guys are the ones that seem shady, and sketchy, and fake, and she wants to AVOID those guys like the plague.
And of course, there is a TIME for the higher- energy stuff. For example, in a crazy loud club or pub on a Saturday night or something like that when everyone is going crazy and most people are drunk —but even THERE, if you wanted to get the kind of women that are there, and you probably don’t want those kinds of women for the most part, even THERE the reality is that you only want to put in the MINIMUM “higher energy” that you need.
So you basically are matching the woman’s energy level always, and actually giving just a bit MORE energy at first, so this way you are the giver and not the person bringing the energy down.
But from there, you slowly bring the energy to a more calm zone.
Of course, there’s no way to do full justice to this topic in a newsletter, and there is so much more detail I would like to mention to give the FULL picture, but this should at least give some serious insight onto what actually WORKS.
You can start a conversation with many different types of comments, but you never want to start with something that shows lack of respect, vulgarity, or weakness. You can comment on anything in the situation, but what I like to do is find something that actually says something GOOD about her, that is GENUINE.
So if a woman is reading a book in the award winning literary section of the bookstore, you might start with “Nice to see that there are still people who read literature instead of watching MTV” and say this calmly, not in a big clown way.
Regarding creating a powerful connection, the key is to LISTEN TO HER RESPONSE so that you can MAKE HER FEEL GOOD in a genuine way. Congruency is key, as a woman will usually KNOW when you are faking. I get into all this in SUPER DETAIL in my materials and in my live training programs of course.
So, you want to be listening to something in her reply that either provides evidence of her good character, her intelligence, or something else positive about her, or at least something she says that you can comment on that will lead the conversation somewhere INTRIGUING AND MEANINGFUL. And this is a whole topic into itself for another time!
Cheers,
Michael (Author of the ebook “Get A Great Girl“